My first STD was from a foam party
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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