As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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