just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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