my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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