idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
