so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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