Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
