I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?