foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."