my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
