were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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