Is that why you're texting me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain