One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
