I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
