My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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