he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Houston, we have a blender
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
