The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
