Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
