i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
