What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
