I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
