Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
