He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
