i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
