I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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