Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
