five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
birth control should be required to get into college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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