Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
