Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
