Got a toothbrush?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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