OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
