She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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