Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
