what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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