The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
