No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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