we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie