Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning