Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm getting married
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.