Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book