hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?