Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
