Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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