$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
