matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
