Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
