I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
