Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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