i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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