I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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