I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
