My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
