Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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