I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
