I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
