As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
