Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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