Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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