I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
