then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
