I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
