i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize