I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is wine microwaveable?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
