"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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