burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
