Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
