I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
