I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
