On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
