i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
