I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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