recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
