By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize