just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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