Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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