Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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