and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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