You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
