I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize