We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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