Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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