You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
