What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
