You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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