Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
