If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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