I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
