Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
