So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
