when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
