He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
