Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
