I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
