mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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