The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
