He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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