Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
