Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
