forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
